About me
by DesignatedSadnessGirl
Summary: everthing,well something about me before the stories


Hi I'm **Designated Sadness Girl**

I'm pretty young, 13 actually and I know you're probably thinking 'Wow another 13-year old who 'thinks' she's depressed' but that's the thing I don't think I'm depressed, I feel depression is something that only a small amount of people truly get. I'm not sad or even happy neither am I satisfied, I'm just BLANK. This kinda means that I have these moments when I blank out or even wish that we lived in a parallel universe where everything about me is different you know. I wish people acted differently, people weren't fitting, the world wasn't dying, people aren't being murdered, or even where every single detail about me is different. Ya I get times when I'm sad, happy or even mad it's just their not very often and I don't get excited about anything anymore, like for my birthday, for example, I didn't tell anyone about it because it wasn't a big deal , I wouldn't have cared if my mother didn't even remember. I mean what's the big deal so what I was born on this day, I live every other day lets celebrate those to. Its just an ordinary day.

I have supper trust issues and get irritated easily. Let's say if you're my best friend for like 3 years I still wouldn't tell you a quarter of what happens at home, I'm the nice friend when people have problems they come to me. Everyone expects me to be happy all the time and when I'm not happy they freak out and get angry at me for being selfish, So I fake it. It's not like anyone cares what I'm feeling they just think 'oh it's her, she's just being dramatic shell be fine just now' but its not that so instead of me hearing fake sympathy I hide behind a smile and carry on with the rest of my day its just how my life is. But t e worst part is I don't rest of my day its just how my life is. But t e worst part is I don't know how to explain my feelings it's like he part then of my brain that talks about emotions just shuts off. I have a super hard time expressing emotion and I'm pretty closed off, tho it doesn't seem like it I am.

At school everything is different from home, I try be nice to everyone even if I don't like you, even though I like everyone [everyone has their flaws]. Anyway like I said I'm the one people tell things to, I'm pretty good at listening if I don't get distracted, I love when people tell me how their feeling especially if they are upset I love the feeling of making someone feel better. But no one ever asks me but I'm ok with that bad at emotions remember.

The thing is when I'm at home I'm alone [No I'm not suicidal ], But when I'm alone everything falls apart my facade comes crashing down, I come crashing down. Normally I just have a good old cry session where I let every emotion that been bottled up out. It's rejuvenating, I feel amazing after but it's not good for my health [mental and physical]. Lets ay before grade 7 I never cried but now it's my daily routine; get home change, eat and then cry like nobody's watching. Those days when my family is home or when I need another cry session, the shower becomes my best friend, its the perfect plan sit in the shower for an hour and no one will question you.

Let's say me and my best friend is no longer a thing, but I can defiantly say music was more of friend music can help so many people, withs o many problems listen to the right song and bam. A good song can help find a deep song that just makes you cry. A pretty emotional sog can understand you more than a person can. I listen to music any chance I get , its my stress reliever. When music is playing the world around me just dissappears, its just me and my thoughts ,whether theyre good or bad.

I have a huge imagination, what i mean is i have these times where i play out different senarios in my head [parallalel universe]. My mind creates these storys about how something is going to happen, like i can think i live in a manshion with a million pets and awesome friends, or I'm a austronaunt [first person on Neptune] , or i can just play out how an argument between me and my sister will go and how it'll end. These little day dreams can get me so drawn in that I can be reading or walking and picturing something completely different. If you have a really extreme case of this [disorder ?] you can actually start doing it without knowing in public and actually start talking in public subconciuosly.[it has a super sciency name i just cant remember] Once I actually imagined that i was Drake's secret daughter from an old secret marrige that didn't work out and that he would always vist me and my mom and we were super rich but i had to keep it super secret, I know crazy right[ i started talking to myself and somone asked if i was okay].

I actually love talking having someone who'll just listen to me is a dream but no one is ever interested so I have actually moved on to talking to myself [connected to my creative brain thing ]. Most people don't listen ,its sad I know. My parents even get annoyed alot ,ive come to stage of not telling them anything. I also love being by myself i feel sitting and thinking is so much more entertaining and interesting than talking to someone. So I wish I could sit all by myself, but no teachers want you to socialize [Urrrgg] . But ive learned to live with it and generlly can talk to anyone in my yeah I actually had a lot more to say than i thought but we'll finish this up later, this is my first fic and its **NOT **fake its **my** story, I know that's not what this app is for but I just wanted to share with someone. So comment if you want more and what I should write about next I was thinking of doing a section where I tell my storys that I day dream of [the weird thing i do, you know]. so yeah bye

love

**Designated Sadness Girl**


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